Bowling For Soup
by Moxie'sBaBi
Summary: 26 years has gone by since we last saw our favorite characters. What are they up to? This story is written in the form of journal entries by the youngest Hyde.
1. Thirteen

Thirteen

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the 'That 70's Show' characters.

Summary: 26 years has gone by since we last saw our favorite characters. What are they up to?

Author's Note: This is my first future fiction so, I hope it's good. By the way all the chapters are named after Bowling for Soup lyrics.

Quick Info:

Jaclyn & Steven Hyde, 34, 35 

Married: May 16, 1981

Children 

Dylan Elizabeth, 16

Zoe Amelia & Tristen Warner, 17

Donna & Eric Foreman, 35 

Married: July 20, 1980

Children 

Christina Mae, 14

Turner Redginal, 17

Brooke & Michael Kelso, 37, 35 

Married: April 4, 1989

Children 

Michelle Abby, 13

Benjamin Michael, 17

Betsy Michelle, 26

Fez 

Still not getting any…

July 20, 2005

So here goes: Mom gave me this stupid journal hoping that I'd become more girlie like Zoe but I doubt that's ever going to happen. My name is Dylan Elizabeth Hyde. My dad named me a boys name because well, he thought it sounded cool for a girl, mom was so drugged up she didn't even notice. Mom had my middle name all planned out though, it was going to be Elizabeth for Elizabeth Taylor. Go figure. My parents are so called high school sweethearts. Except they aren't anywhere near the dream. They fight all the time, and at least every other week dad's on the couch or hiding in the garage drinking beer. But they don't fight all the time. They do other things… Gross things. They have three kids. Enough said. Oh, and mom's pregnant again. So far I have only two siblings. My sister Zoe, which I mentioned previously, and my brother Tristen. Zoe is as prissy as you can get. All she talks about is clothes and boys and shopping. And she never shuts up! "Dyl, your hairs so flat." "Dyl, you should learn to accessorize." "Dylan, stop being such a boy, you have a vagina." Cue eye roll. Then there's Tristen. My wonderful older brother, best friend and connection. Tristen is really smart, which is weird because Zoe, who is his twin, is slower then a snail stuck in tar.

So today is my birthday and my Uncle Eric and Aunt Donna's anniversary. Aunt Donna got a puppy and I got a journal. Yeah, life's fair. Well, I didn't just get a stupid journal; I did get a car. Most kids would be pulling apart at the seems if their parents got them a car. But the car I got was an old El Camino that dad had when he was my age. That's like a bah-gillion years ago, so it's a piece of crap. Even though dad and me have been working on the 'Death Mobile' for about a month now it still doesn't run good. Oh yeah, I nicknamed it the 'Death Mobile' because I know that that car is going to kill me. Although dad is convinced its like God reincarnated into a car. He can be so weird some times.

So since this is the first entry I guess I should write about who is in my life. That is besides my immediate family. Now Uncle Eric and Aunt Donna aren't really my aunt and uncle. They're just really good friends with my parents. They've none each other since, well forever. My dad actually used to live with Uncle Eric and his parents. Eric and Donna Foreman have two kids, Tina and Turner. Tina is like fourteen and has her own friends; we only hang out with her when we absolutely have to. Turner is not the coolest person in the world and he's not like the guy next door. He's more like the skronie neighbor boy. Now that I think about it he's kind of nerdy. Any way Zoe Tristen Turner and me hang out every day in my basement.

Ah, the basement. Now my house used to be Uncle Eric's parent's house but they gave the deed over to mom and dad because… I have no idea. They just did. Uncle Eric and Aunt Donna live next door where Aunt Donna grew up. Anyway the basements mine. That's where my room is. It's nice, kinda dingy, but nice. I like dark things. I got that room when I was thirteen. It was the day that mom finally cut the umbilical cord and let me out of Zoe's room. I was dying in there. So, yeah, we basically always stay in the basement because there is no adult supervision, a fridge stocked with food and sometimes beer, the smoke alarm is broken and did I mention no adult supervision?

Then there is Brooke and Kelso Sr. who has three kids too. Their first kid, Betsy, is 26 and is never really around all that much. She doesn't really like her dad so she left Point Place along time ago. Last I heard she was engaged to a guy named Guy. I think he's a refrigerator repairman. Michelle is 13 and hangs with Tina, I don't like Michelle. I babysat her once and she put gum in my hair. It was the only time that I ever cared about my hair. It was long and straight and now it's really, really short. In Zoe's words, my hair now matches my name. Whore. Finally in the Kelso tree is Ben, who might I say is a major stud. And he isn't just good looking but he's also really smart. Well, not really smart but enough. I don't think all the pot that we do helps.

Oh yes, I have succumbed to the power of peer pressure and have some puffs every now and then. All right 'now and then' is a little bit of an understatement. Okay it's a lot of an understatement. I have a joint to my self everyday. I'm a very bad girl. Oh well.

Oh I almost forgot. I have another uncle. Well, not really an uncle. Anyway his name is Fez and he's from… I don't know where he's from. I'm gonna have to ask him. Also his name isn't really Fez. Fez stands for Foreign Exchange Student. But instead of an 's' it's a 'z'. 'Z's are bad ass.


	2. Cold Shower Tuesdays

Cold Shower Tuesday

For the disclaimer and Summary see 'Thirteen'

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews guys.

July 21, 2005

"Dylan!" I could hear Zoe scream my name as she ran down the basement stairs, and I'm pretty sure the dead could hear her too. "Dylan!" She walked in my room and slammed the door. I put my arm over my eyes knowing that she would turn on the light. "Dylan!" You know I don't think it mattered that I was less then 2 feet away from her, she still felt the need to scream. "I know you can hear me, brat."

"What?" I moaned groggily pulling the covers above my head.

"Mom wants you up in the kitchen pronto." She said fiddling with something on my dresser.

I moved my arm slightly to see the alarm clock on my nightstand. It read 11:15. "She knows I don't even attempt to see the light of day before noon. What does she want?" Zoe just shrugged. "Wait, you told her it wasn't mine right?" Thinking of my stash.

"It's nothing like that." Zoe said walking toward the door before stopping. "And, man, if mom found your stash I'd turn you in faster then the road runner."

"Love you too, sis." So this isn't usually how I wake up. I usually wake up with no one screaming my name. Those are good days. I manage to get out of bed, not even bothering to change out of my flannel pajamas. I think you're starting to get that I don't really care about outward appearances. I walked slowly up the basement stairs not really looking forward to what mom wanted. Mom and me never really see eye to eye. I turned the quick corner to see my whole family in the kitchen. Mom was leaning against the counter with her head in her hands, dad was leaning against the wall by the phone, Tristen was in the chair closest to the sliding door and Zoe was sitting on the other side of the counter in a barstool. There was a tall blonde, tan woman standing in the middle of all of us. "Whoa, who's the amazon?" I asked sarcastically. And right there is the reason I don't get up before noon, I don't know when not to open my mouth.

"Dylan, please." Mom pleaded holding her hand up to me. I had obviously interrupted a fight. I rolled my eyes and looked at dad, usually he would sympathize with me. All he did was shrug his shoulders and fold his arms across his chest. Mom turned around and saw that I was annoyed with her. Why wake me up early, demand my presence and then tell me not to speak? "Dyl, I'm sorry, but this is your grandmother."

I took a double take at the amazon that stood in the middle of my kitchen. "You mean to tell me that this lady is my grandmother?" I couldn't believe it. She didn't look a day over forty.

"I know, I look good for fifty-nine." Grandma said smoothing down her dress.

I looked over at dad to confirm. "Why do you think I married your mother."

"Wow, I lucked out with the good genes." I said leaning against the wall.

"Yeah, now all you got to do is learn how to use it." Zoe mumbled under her breath.

"You know what! Get bent!" I shouted losing my cool. I usual had some sort of reserve toward Zoe but she exactly how to push my buttons and she pushed them hard.

"Dylan! Now is not the time." Mom pointed out, clearly meaning she didn't want us to fight in front of her mom.

"Whatever." I let out going back down into the basement. Mom always said that after I have a break out and start yelling. Not after Zoe does. I think it's because I'm a tomboy. Mom's a prissy girl, just like Zoe.

I sat down on the old beige colored couch with the corners duck taped. It was the ugliest thing in the world but for some reason dad wanted to keep it. Mom just eventually gave in. I sat in the middle of the couch with my knees under my chin when I heard some one with clunky shoes coming down the stairs. I knew right away that it was dad with his cowboy boots on. No matter how much of a tomboy I become I will always be a daddy's girl, not that I'd ever admit it. I didn't move, knowing that he would sit in his uncomfortable white chair that Tristen usually sits in. "You want a Popsicle?" I sat and thought for awhile then nodded. I heard him searching for an orange one knowing that it was my favorite. I smiled to myself. Dad had never really told me he loved me. Not really. Not as often as some parents do. But I know he loves me by when he does little things for me. Saving me a burger when I'm not home to get one. Buying me an ice cream from Fat-so-Burger when I'm in a bad mood. And searching through the whole freezer searching for my favorite Popsicle.

He handed me the Popsicle and sat back down in his chair. "Thanks, dad."

At that loving moment in time Ben Kelso had to barge into the basement. "Dylan!" He stopped short of plowing into the couch.

"Yeah?" I asked warily. He never really had anything good to say. It was usually about boobs or firecrackers.

"There is a really hot chick in your kitchen! And it's not your mom or your sister." He said rushing it out in one breath. He was breathing hard now with all the excitement.

"Alright Kelso, listen closely because I think after this you're going to have to go take a cold shower," I said slowly. Dad tried to stifle a chuckle. "That lady that's upstairs… Get ready for it… is my grandmother, you numbskull!"

Ben let out a horrified screech and raced out of the basement. I sat back with my knees up to my chin and unwrapped my Popsicle. I looked over at dad. "Wanna watch some TV?"


	3. Monopoly

Monopoly

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the 'That 70's Show' characters.

Summary: 26 years has gone by since we last saw our favorite characters. What are they up to?

Author's Note: Sorry, I've taken awhile to update but my mom thought it was funny to lock the computer desk and not tell me where the key is.

July 24, 2005

Living in Wisconsin doesn't give you much to do. Actually it doesn't give you anything to do. So all five of us are down in the basement playing a never ending game of monopoly.

Tristen leaned back in his chair, looking around. "I can't believe we have nothing better to do."

"I can." Turner answered. "We live in Wisconsin. That answers it right there."

"Come on there's got to be something that we can do." Zoe said standing and walking over to the freezer.

"We can go up to the border and throw things at Canadians." Ben suggested.

I shook my head. "We did that last week."

"Well there's got to be something just as bad, and that can get us in just as much trouble." Tristen stated. Then he jumped up out of his seat. "We should smuggle beer over the border!"

"Are you serious?" Zoe asked, moving away from the freezer without taking anything out. "That's like a federal offence!"

"Since when is smuggling beer a federal offence?" I asked leaning into the worn cushions of the couch.

"Since—I don't know! But if we go to jail I will kill you!" Zoe exclaimed one hand on hip and one hand pointing firmly at me. "And then I'll tell mom about your stash."

I pushed her finger away from my face. "Alright, you tell mom about my stash and I'll tell dad what you and Scott Peterson were really studying."

Her jaw went slack. "You wouldn't."

"Try me." I said standing not quite reaching her height.

All the boys were silent up until that point. "I think," Ben started slowly, walking closer to me and Zoe, "that you two should take off your shirts and wrestle." Turner sat up straighter and Tristen just rolled his eyes.

"Man, lets just go." Tristen stood up and started for the door.

"Wait," Turner said as he stopped Tristen. "I have to go tell my mom that I'm leaving."

"Are you always going to inform your mom on what you're doing for the rest of your life?" I asked slipping on my jacket.

"Well, no." Turner stammered.

"Yeah, I can see it now." Ben walked over to Turner and slipped an arm around his narrow shoulders. "You'll be in college, and call your mom. 'Mommy, I'm going to go to a huge frat party and get totally wasted and still not get laid.'"

"Get off me, man." Turner pushed Ben off of him. "I don't have to answer to my mom. I can do what ever I want."

"Alright prove it." Zoe stepped forward with a wicked smile on her face.

"How?" Turner asked looking scared.

"I got it Foreman." Tristen said catching on to his twins' idea. "Since we all can't fit into the El Camino, I dare you to steal the Vista Cruiser, not tell your mom you're taking it or that we're going to cross the border."

"I can do that." Turner said semi firmly.

It wasn't twenty minutes later that Turner was freaking out in the passenger seat. Tristen had decided to drive because he wanted to come home in one piece and he knew that Turner would bail and turn the car around. "Chill out, man. You'll have the car back before your mom ever notices."

From my seat behind Tristen, I reached up and smacked the back of his head. "You know she's not stupid, man. She's probably calling the cops as we speak."

Turner turned around in his seat faster then I've ever seen him move. "What!"

"Dylan, do me a favor. Shut up!" Tristen yelled glaring at me from the review mirror.

I smiled maliciously and shrugged. It was like my job to rile people up. I liked it.

In the back seat it was me, Ben in the middle and Zoe on the other side. Ben faked a yawn and lifted both his arms to put around us. "So ladies, it's going to be an hour ride up there. If any of you get horny and need to make out with someone, I'm here." Zoe rolled her eyes but, me, I took the more violent route. I elbowed him in his ribs. "Damn, Dylan!" He shrieked.

"Don't touch me then!" I shouted back.

"Hey! Do I have to pull the car over!" Tristen shouted. We all stared at him in disbelief. "I just sounded like dad, didn't I?"

"Worse." I said. "You sounded like Red."

A couple hours later, we had cases upon cases of beer in the back, under a blanket. "Alright guys, everybody got their birth certificates?" Tristen asked looking around at all of us. All of us nodded. All of us, that is, except for Ben. "Ben you do have your birth certificate, right?"

"Uh…" Ben checked his pockets frantically. "I had it when we crossed the border!" He looked like he was going to crap his pants. "Where did I put it?"

"Alright, alright, chill out. There's got to be away to smuggle the beer and Kelso at the same time." Zoe reasoned, pacing the shoulder of the road.

We were all silent in thought for about five minutes, thinking over this debacle. What? We smoke a lot of weed. It takes a lot of time to think things through. "I got it!" Ben shouted. "I'll hide under the blanket! With the beer!" We turned and looked at Tristen.

"Eh, whatever, let's just get going." Tristen took the keys out of his pocket and started walking toward the car.

"What if we get caught?" Turner asked starting to freak again.

I put my arm around his shoulders. "Don't worry, man. If we get caught we'll just trade you and Ben for the beer."

"Thanks Dyl." Turner said sarcastically.

Ben struggled to boost himself in the back, well that is until I opened the hatch and he fell right back out on to the ground. "Damn, Dylan!" He yelled from the ground.

"Oh I'm sorry, were you trying to get in there?" My voice dripped with sarcasm. I love seeing a Kelso get hurt. I think I'm still seeking revenge for my hair.

All the way to the border things went extremely well. Ben didn't make a noise. The trooper asked if we had our certificates and we showed him that we did. Tristen stepped on the gas to go through, but the trooper stopped him. Tristen stepped on the breaks fast, wincing when he heard Ben's gasp of pain as a beer case squashed him against the back of the seat.

The trooper looked at Tristen menacingly. "Sir, are you smuggling anyone into the states? Eh?" He asked.

"Smuggle someone into the states? That's crazy talk. Sir?" Tristen stumbled.

The trooper walked into the back of the Cruiser and opened the hatch, pulled the blanket back and saw Ben there, sipping on a beer. That explains why he was so quiet. "All of you follow me." The trooper waved his hand and we all got out of the car to follow the trooper. "Sit." He motioned to five seats and we sat. "Now can one of you tell me that why you were trying to smuggle a boy across the border?"

"Technically," Turner said starting to talk with his hands like he normally does when he gets nervous, "we weren't smuggling him. He's from the US. He's just a dumbass who lost his birth certificate."

The trooper nodded. "Well, I believe you but I can't let you go with out proof. So, I'm going to have to call one of your parents."

We all jumped up, shouting "NO!" as the trooper reached for the phone. Zoe stepped forward and put her hand on the troopers chest. "Now," Zoe flirted, squinting at his name tag, "Chester, you really don't want to call our parents. Do you?" I gotta admit. Most of the time I really don't like Zoe but she had her good points. Like now, when she can hit on a Canadian trooper and get us out of Canadian prison.

The trooper smiled down at Zoe, "Yeah, I really do." Crap. "Now, somebody better give up a number if you want to get out of here soon."

Alright, now it's time for me to get into the action. "Excuse me Mr. Chester sir? Can we have a moment to talk it over?" The trooper nodded and left us in the small interrogation room. My smile instintly turned into a glare aimed at Ben. "You moron! How could you lose it!" I launched myself from the chair at him. "I'm gonna kill you!"

Ben screamed as I chased him around the five chairs. "Help me!" Zoe sat in the middle chair with her head in her hands. Turner sat against one of the walls in the room mumbling something about allowances and Tristen grabbed me around the waist throwing me over his shoulder like a fireman. "Whew. Thanks, man." Ben said wiping his forehead.

"Don't thank me. I might just let her down." Tristen said. "We need to think of something. Something that won't get us in trouble."

Every one was silent and non-moving until Tristen moved to put me in one of the chairs. "Tristen! What are you doing!" Ben asked incredulously.

"What? She got heavy!" He shouted back.

"Are you calling me fat?" I asked looking up at Tristen.

"Oh my god. Okay, shut up and think." Tristen sat down next to me and leaned over into his own lap. "We need a quick fix."

"We could call dad." Zoe suggested nonchalantly.

"The last time I called dad from Canada, I was drunk at a bar and knew then that it was a bad idea. I'm not calling him when I'm sober, especially not with about ninty-six beers in the back of the Vista Cruiser. Got any more bright ideas?" Tristen said with out lifting his head from in between his legs.

"Sorry for trying to be helpful." Zoe retorted picking at one of her fingernails.

"Well, stop." Tristen stated sitting up fully.

"Alright, fighting is not going to help the situation." I mentioned looking from Zoe to Tristen.

"Fine." They both squawked.

"I got it!" Ben said from the other side of the room. "We can call Betsy! She'll clear the whole thing up."

"You're going to call Betsy?" Turner asked finally snapping out of his catatonic state. "She hasn't spoken to you for about a year!"

"So this will be a perfect story to retell at Thanksgiving." Ben reasoned.

"Alright, then it's settled. We'll call Betsy." Tristen concluded.

Five minutes later the trooper was back in the room with the phone in hand. Apparently it was ringing. "Hello. Is this Betsy Kelso?" Pause. "My name is Chester from the border of Canada and the US and we have your son Benjamin and his friends here. We can let his friends go but we can't let Benjamin go with out proof of citizenship." Pause. "Yes, please hold." The trooper handed the phone to Ben. "She wants to talk to you."

Ben pulled the phone over to himself and put to reciever up to his ear. "Hello?" Pause. "No, I didn't mean… Beer… No I couldn't because… I don't care about that… Come on, you owe me… Yes, you do!… That time Dad found Collin Greshock in your room… Yeah I covered for you… When… Oh yeah… Uh… Please?… FINE!" Ben slammed the phone down. "She's not coming."

"That's it, I'm calling dad." Zoe claimed reaching for the phone.

"You do and you're dead." Tristen barked.

"Tristen, we have to call him. Who else is there?" I asked innocently.

We were all quiet in thought until Ben yelped. "I found it!"

"You what?" I exploded taking a step forward.

"Yeah, I put it in my shoe so I wouldn't lose it." Ben explained holding a folded piece of paper in his fist.

"I'm going to kill you!" I once again launched myself at him. This time Tristen didn't pull me back.

Throughout the whole ordeal, I think we all learned a good lesson. Never take a Kelso with you to Canada.


End file.
